my current situation 🏳️‍🌈 page 2
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sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@BeachyEm tysm that seems to be the general consensus here :] i think i will sometime when my mom isn’t home
BeachyEm
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BeachyEm
1 year, 11 months ago by BeachyEm
@sage-wolf well you are such an awesome person! I don't get why people get so hung up on what you "should" be. JUST LET PEOPLE BE THEMSELVES!! You're still the same amazing you and nothing will ever change that b/c you are literally one of my favorite people on earth......*I think. you might be an alien idrk................*
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@BeachyEm yeah i’m actually a vulcan 🖖 llap/j
BeachyEm
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BeachyEm
1 year, 11 months ago by BeachyEm
AHHHHHHH DONT EAT MY BRAINS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🤯
BeachyEm
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BeachyEm
1 year, 11 months ago by BeachyEm
sry i don't really know star trek 😂
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@BeachyEm lol nah vulcans are the ones that don’t have emotions and like science a lot (it was basically a weird 60s way of making autistic ppl i think?? idk. no wait that was data the android who wants to be human)
BeachyEm
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BeachyEm
1 year, 11 months ago by BeachyEm
Just don't change for anyone 🙂you're a super awesome person, and if you changed, I would have no other buddies who are also vulcans like me.......OH NO I MEANT NON VULCAN BUDDIES HEH HEH-
gerardway
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gerardway
1 year, 11 months ago by gerardway
Sage, I am sorry you are in a situation where you have to hide yourself. I also hide that I am pansexual and trans from my parents. I say,stay safe and try surronding your parents with lgbt related stuff and try making them realize lgbg are Just like anyone else,but be careful.
Yelena09
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Yelena09
1 year, 11 months ago by Yelena09
Soo, I'm not good with relationships (I'm aromantic and aceflux and a demi-girl), so I'm not going to be of much help, but I'm here for ya! My mom claims people like us are lost and confused, and my dad is even worse. I do not agree whatsoever with their thoughts. So Imma have to be careful, but I think you should be yourself. Cliche, I know. But if that's who you are and people don't like it, that's their problem. And I'm not saying ignore your parents or disobey them, but I really think if they love you, they'll accept you in one way or the other. If you disagree, that's fine; I'm just trying to help 🙂
(Please don't be angry if this advice is crap)
bennobee
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bennobee
1 year, 11 months ago by bennobee
Hello. I'm very sorry you're experiencing this. I went through a similar situation when I was younger. When I was 14, my mom looked through my phone because she suspected that I was LGBTQ+ (I'm a queer trans man), she found The Trevor Project in my contacts--just in case--asked about it, and forced me out of the closet... She made me go to counseling, didn't believe me for a while, said a lot of very hurtful things, etc. It was one of the worst times of my life. Now, 11 years later, she completely accepts and supports me. She's one of my biggest supporters... Sometimes it just takes time (I think it took my mom about 4 years to start accepting me).

The most important thing is your safety. I know how uncomfortable it is to be in the closet, but safety is more important than comfort. It sounds like you're already out of the closet, but your mom is just having a hard time accepting it. If continuing to talk about it would lead to a dangerous situation (or getting kicked out), I would recommend waiting until you're older and can move out if you need to.

If you believe that being true to yourself WOULD be safe (just awkward), I agree with the other commenters that you should start by talking to your dad. He seems like he might be more ready to accept you, and he might be able to help your mom understand/process it (or just remind her that the priority should be loving their child).

It sounds like your mom is confused and possibly scared. It may be a good idea to share resources/info with her, but I feel like doing that would just get you grounded again (since she would know you were looking up LGBTQ+ stuff). I guess I have two ideas that could possibly work:
-Does your school/community have a LGBTQ+ support group or anything like that (especially one for parents, PFLAG, etc.)? If one exists in your area, you could let her know about it. Maybe just put a flyer somewhere where you know she'll see it. Then, if she decides to go, they would hopefully share info with her, and help her adjust.
-Maybe talk to your school counselor about your situation. They may be able to set up a meeting with your mom, and, depending on your location/how accepting your school is, they could help share resources as well.

And about the "hormones haven't kicked in"/“you were always fine with being a girl” thing--a lot of trans people don't feel very much dysphoria until puberty begins (since that's when a lot of dysphoria-inducing things begin happening to our bodies). But it's different for everyone. You're never "too young" or "too old" to discover who you are. I know trans people who knew when they were 4, and people who didn't know until they were in their 60s. It's different for everyone.

Good luck!
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@bennobee sadly i’m not really out of the closet. after all that she still says things abt how i’m a “young woman” and stuff like that. and even my dad still assumes i’m straight and says “when you date boys” and things like that.

and no there isn’t really anything like that, i live in a highly homophobic and racist area so basically any minority is treated like garbage
violasrule
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violasrule
1 year, 11 months ago by violasrule
i relate to your situation and i feel how you feel. my mom and dad, especially my mom tho say that they support lgbtq but then they find it not ok when me or my friends are in with it... for instance i have a bi friend who liked a pan/ace friend and so then that night the bi friend told the pan/ace friend she liked her? and so then my pan/ace friend emailed me abt it, and my mom always reads my emails so she came barging into my room to talk about it. and I was like "hshahah why", having a panic attack bc im not straight and we were talking about friends not being straight, and during that talk she said two things that i really hated:
a. "i think your friend is trying to grow up too fast"
b. "it's too early for you to decide on any of that, so i assume you haven't, right?" (i lied and said no)
im really not 100% sure yet but i'm pretty sure im aroace and possibly genderfluid. im nervous abt responding to this forum post bc im so scared if my mom finds out. but im taking the chance. im taking the chance so that you know i'm here for you ❤️ you might not really know me yet but i mean... i just want to be one extra person that can support you and so that you can know that someone is going through a similar situation.
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@violasrule omg thank you. my mom said pretty much the same stuff. tonight even she got a lip plump thing yesterday and said “i don’t want to look like that trans guy with all the plastic surgery” she meant pete burns. not trans and wouldn’t be a trans guy if he was 😭

also once i saw my childhood friend who i hadn’t seen in a very long time (abt 3 years) in public and we talked for a while, but they go by a different name now. i wanted to ask if they were trans or non-binary so i could be supportive but i couldn’t. and later my mom found out and was like “so penelope (their deadname) is a boy now? i heard her grandma saying “kai” and “he” (idk their pronouns tho i couldn’t ask) how do you feel abt that?”

and yeah i was rlly nervous too. im srry your mom is like mine, she could totally read all this. but if she does then i’m out of the closet.
violasrule
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violasrule
1 year, 11 months ago by violasrule
@sage-wolf for sure o_o but at this point ive been in the closet for 1-2 years?
well technically longer bc i was questioning for like years but still
and so honestly at this point for me if she does find out it's better for her to see it i feel than it would for me to tell her bc i- i just wouldn't ever be able to bring myself to do it
and i mean also right now my plan is just "ok wait until you graduate high school, then you're free, free to be whoever you want" but im also a long way from that still so...
im just hoping lol
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@violasrule exactly!! i’ve been in the closet since like 2020
violasrule
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violasrule
1 year, 11 months ago by violasrule
oh and also to follow up i had a similar thing with a friend but my parents didn't know about it, he was a grade above me and we rode the same bus and at the beginning of that year when i was in middle school with them and we went to the same school again he told me that he was trans and used he/him then told me a name but my bus driver always ran the heat so. loud. and so i didn't hear it. and we never talked to each other again and i felt so bad, but my parents kept calling him by his original name and she/her pronouns and i was just... so annoyed... like i hadn't told my parents about it but that's the point... i didn't feel like i could
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@violasrule exactly like my friend Rae uses they/them pronouns (technically all but prefers they) and is very openly gay and i feel so bad telling them to not say stuff around my parents
violasrule
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violasrule
1 year, 11 months ago by violasrule
ahhh same i have so many friends that are like openly queer or gay and if they come over i feel so uncomfortable using their original pronouns... and so thats why most of the time i try to go over to their houses but my mom like FORCES me to bring people over here... and also i envy some of my friends who are out bc they can trust their parents actually... and know that they'll be supported... basically all my friends are lgbtq and abt 75% are out and im in that 25% :/
sage-wolf
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sage-wolf
1 year, 11 months ago by sage-wolf
@violasrule can we move this to the chat? i don’t think private conversations are allowed in the forum plus chat messages go away after a while so ur mom can’t see :]
violasrule
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violasrule
1 year, 11 months ago by violasrule
ofc!
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