Forum - Other - The Prologue for my book

Firecorn

Bracelet King

3 years, 7 months ago by Firecorn

Thanks @_Theatre_ for inspiring me to post my story here as well!

Prologue triggers: Child abandonment

Prologue: Contraire
This was going to be the hardest robbery my brother and I have ever pulled off.
My name is Contraire Quartzney and my twin brother Axle and I are 13 years old criminal masterminds. We were abandoned at birth and were placed into a foster care system until we ran away on January 1st of this year, but more on that later. You may be thinking, “oh you’re 13, what do you steal toy cars and cherry flavored lip gloss from the dollar store?”
Ha. Ha. We steal diamonds, museum artifacts, Tickets to important events, then ultimately steal things from those events, and art galleries. Then we disguise ourselves, and head to the pawn shops with our earnings. Sometimes we’ll be reading the newspaper and see a headline that says “PRICELESS DIAMOND FOUND AT NEW JERSEY PAWN SHOP!”, or “ARTIFACTS UNCOVERED AT RAD PAWNS.”, but we’ve never been caught with the goods, for that matter, we’ve never been caught at all. So now that you’re caught up on what we do, it’s time to tell you the latest heist. Axle, our trusted friend and fellow foster care escape, Marlee, and myself are planning to break into the Louvre in Paris, France and steal the Mona Lisa.

Let me know if you have any critiques or suggestions for characters! @Godluvsu @Elise64 and @SmilieFace thanks for character ideas!

_Theatre_

Bracelet King

3 years, 7 months ago by _Theatre_

This was really good
The only crits i have would be to show-not-tell a little more, and maybe describe the characters physically a bit (unless you're planning on doing that later on of course).
Your voice was very strong and I love the concept, wonderful job 🙂

Chaty_Chun

Bracelet King

3 years, 7 months ago by Chaty_Chun

I love it!

The concept is really good.

I would say though less is more. Usually prologue’s (or at least in the books ive read) are really shot and slightly confusing, but they make sense as the book progresses which pulls the reader in.The last few lines seem more like a first chapter.

If you ever need an editor, well you can call me. I was an editor for my other friends book.

Firecorn

Bracelet King

3 years, 7 months ago by Firecorn

@Chatty_Chun tysm! I will pm you if I need an editor!

viviknots

Bracelet King

3 years, 7 months ago by viviknots

Hey!

I love the concept!

Advice(sorry if this is unwanted): What makes it a prologue? To me this would be a great first chapter rather than a prologue. Even if you're describing the past you can use flashbacks. If this is narrated in the past and you're going to start the novel off by stealing the mona lisa, I would say explain as you go. Readers will be able to put two and two together and info dumping is never the answer. As some other mentioned, using show don't tell is a wonderful technique that would elevate this story.
Other than that, I love it.

Firecorn Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Firecorn Thanks @_Theatre_ for inspiring me to post my story here as well! Prologue triggers: Child abandonment Prologue: Contraire This was going to be the hardest robbery my brother and I have ever pulled off. My name is Contraire Quartzney and my twin brother Axle and I are 13 years old criminal masterminds. We were abandoned at birth and were placed into a foster care system until we ran away on January 1st of this year, but more on that later. You may be thinking, “oh you’re 13, what do you steal toy cars and cherry flavored lip gloss from the dollar store?” Ha. Ha. We steal diamonds, museum artifacts, Tickets to important events, then ultimately steal things from those events, and art galleries. Then we disguise ourselves, and head to the pawn shops with our earnings. Sometimes we’ll be reading the newspaper and see a headline that says “PRICELESS DIAMOND FOUND AT NEW JERSEY PAWN SHOP!”, or “ARTIFACTS UNCOVERED AT RAD PAWNS.”, but we’ve never been caught with the goods, for that matter, we’ve never been caught at all. So now that you’re caught up on what we do, it’s time to tell you the latest heist. Axle, our trusted friend and fellow foster care escape, Marlee, and myself are planning to break into the Louvre in Paris, France and steal the Mona Lisa. Let me know if you have any critiques or suggestions for characters! @Godluvsu @Elise64 and @SmilieFace thanks for character ideas!
_Theatre_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by _Theatre_ This was really good The only crits i have would be to show-not-tell a little more, and maybe describe the characters physically a bit (unless you're planning on doing that later on of course). Your voice was very strong and I love the concept, wonderful job 🙂
Chaty_Chun Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Chaty_Chun I love it! The concept is really good. I would say though less is more. Usually prologue’s (or at least in the books ive read) are really shot and slightly confusing, but they make sense as the book progresses which pulls the reader in.The last few lines seem more like a first chapter. If you ever need an editor, well you can call me. I was an editor for my other friends book.
Firecorn Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Firecorn @Chatty_Chun tysm! I will pm you if I need an editor!
viviknots Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by viviknots Hey! I love the concept! Advice(sorry if this is unwanted): What makes it a prologue? To me this would be a great first chapter rather than a prologue. Even if you're describing the past you can use flashbacks. If this is narrated in the past and you're going to start the novel off by stealing the mona lisa, I would say explain as you go. Readers will be able to put two and two together and info dumping is never the answer. As some other mentioned, using show don't tell is a wonderful technique that would elevate this story. Other than that, I love it.

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The Prologue for my book