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can someone tell me if what i did was right?

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Ciao Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by Ciao Hello, so in November I joined a Minecraft Realm/Server. And yesterday I left it, and one of my friends got really upset with me over it, saying that I'm disregarding his opinions and feelings, I don't know if what I did was right and there is a lot of context for this. Also this server has around 15 active members, but VERY active. The story really starts in January, since thats when the new "season" started. Me and someone I will call N started a new "team". We called it the UwU's as an inside joke. From the start everything was bad with B, the first thing he said was "your voice is pretty", which seems like a compliment but kinda creeped me out. There was a whole weird conversation about him saying "I'll pay you diamonds to put ur minecraft bed next to mine" and another person E, making polls asking if I should date N, even after I said I had no intent of dating on this server and I was uncomfotable with the situation. B tried to pressure me into doing a face reveal, which I didn't do. The situation ended, and B got punished, he didn't really do something like that again. After that, N, B, B's cousin, W, and me were all in the UwU's together. All the other people in the UwU's knew each other even before I joined in November. So we began playing Minecraft, we speedran getting stacked, and it was so much fun. We were in VC's everyday, until eventually... They killed me, took my stuff, and kicked me off the UwU's, the team I founded. It only went downhill from here. Obviously I was SUPER upset, I was having fun being on a team with them, and they stole ALL my stuff. It wouldn't have been fun again to play on the realm by myself. So there was constant agruements on the server over whether they were right or wrong for doing this. I was so upset because they were my friends, of course it was just Minecraft, but when Minecraft is all that you do together its kinda important when you get kicked off their team. Then, someone griefed the UwU's old base, Raid Farm and Tunnel. I have no reason to lie here, and I DID NOT GRIEF They accused me of griefing, demoted me, and I was even more mad. B and N, my two friends who I was friends with the most, just voted to demote me. They hated me and I hated them. Two new people joined, I became friends with them, and then you know what happened? THEY GOT BANNED. I had no point of staying there anymore. I stopped talking on the server for a few weeks. In that few weeks, many new people joined. Instead of playing Minecraft every night, I would play my ukulele. Eventually I became friends with the UwU's again, and I became good friends with M. Everything was good again. Until.. M left the server, leaving everyone a goodbye message. And unfriending everyone so no one can message her. Obviously I was worried, she was my friend. But someone who knew her irl said that she constantly manipulated people. And I didn't want to believe it, I thought I was never going to see her again. Next day she came back, and everything went back to normal. Then something else happened. B, M, and G (friend I acquired in ukulele time period) left the server. M sent me DM's of E calling her many different offensive words, and S (the server owner) had no action taken against him, and instead muted M. Obviously I was upset, M was my best friend, and also E already hated me for really no reason. I decided that it wasn't my place to try to ask what happened, and I left it for a while, hating S and E. S was the person who introduced me to the server back in November, so I was upset at this. Again, I stopped talking on the server. Again, I come back to see an argument, B now calling M the offensive words. I thought he was my friend, and I didn't know what to do. Then another one of my "friends" were outed as homophobic. At that point I didn't know who to trust, or what to do. All of my "friends" were bad people. And everyone else I never really talked to anymore, again I stopped talking on the server for a while at that point, and even if I did it was only for a short amount of time. So I decided to leave the server, when people asked me why, I said "too much drama". I would like to point out that all of these people could still dm me, there was nothing stopping them due to me being in an inactive server with all of them. I didn't want them to worry, I just wanted to leave. Now one of my friends, G, I have maintained a friendship with. He said that I left because of him. I said I left because of the drama, and he said that im living in the past, and that im leaving my "friends" (i don't consider them my friends anymore) over something that doesn't involve me. He asked me if i would join back for the next season. I said maybe if I want to. He said that he wanted to make a team with me and some of his friends (who he thinks are mine too, even though I never really talked to them yet). I said that I didn't want to be on a team again on a server with that group. He then accused me of disregarding his feelings and opinions, and pushing him away (even tho he could still dm me and i didn't even talk in the server anyway). Idk why he got so upset over this, he was still able to be friends with me, and I never talked in the server anyway. There was no point in me staying unless I just wanted drama. Can someone please tell me if leaving the server and saying that I didn't want to be on a team with my friend (or anyone, not specially him) was wrong?
Ciao Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by Ciao Also I just want to add for the first part, B apologized and said that he took the joke too far.
lucass_ Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by lucass_ i think he’s toxic. i didnt read all of it, but if he doesn’t understand that that server wasn’t good for you, then he isnt a good friend. livin in the past, that’s a red flag because he’s disregarding you. so i think yes you did the right thing
crafter83 Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by crafter83 Yeah, you definitely did the right thing

Annie_Whe Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by Annie_Whe I think that it is right that you left the server and the "friends" because they seemed very toxic.
im-a-dog Skiller	3 years, 8 months ago by im-a-dog I think you should stay away from that server and probably the people as well. It sounds like they enjoy being mean to you and being offensive. About G specifically; I suggest rewording what he’s saying. To me, it sounds like he’s saying “I don’t care that these people hurt your feelings. It’s more important to me that you’re playing on my team, than whether you have a good time.”
im-a-dog Skiller	3 years, 8 months ago by im-a-dog Also, the voice thing, the bed thing, the face reveal thing: yikes 😬 And tbh, if I had been on a team with some people for even just a week and they killed and kicked me, I would be incredibly upset too. The items and your character in a game are of course not important compared to like “real issues”, but it’s not just about the items themselves, they metaphorically killed you and robbed you, as well as actually ostracized you. Those things carry emotional and social meaning, especially when minecraft is the only reason you as a group were spending time together. I would be very hesitant to trust them again, if I even went back to the server.
Ciao Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by Ciao @im-a-dog G thought that I was being overdramatic due to the fact I was leaving due to drama that didn't involve me (my friends kicking me off the team was in January). He wanted me to join a team with him in the next season of the realm with some of his friends (which he thought were mine too but I never really met them yet), but I refused saying that it wouldn't have been the same as it was before, and then he starting saying that I was disregarding his feelings. Idk if i should still be friends with him, he's going through a difficult time rn with his cat being sick, and I don't want to just block him and move on. The other people I am happy to leave behind
im-a-dog Skiller	3 years, 8 months ago by im-a-dog Hmm, okay. But still, he’s allowed (in his mind) to disregard your feelings but you’re not allowed to disregard his? You’re not obliged to be friends with someone just because they’re going through a rough time. I don’t know what’s right for you, maybe the two of you should stay friends, but I think you might need to communicate more clearly. If you can explain why you don’t want to be in a server with a lot of drama, like that it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy (for example), maybe he’ll have a better understanding of your decision. And if he could explain his feelings more clearly instead of just saying you’re disregarding them? (I don’t really understand what feelings he has about the situation and why? Does he want to play with you because you’re a close friend of his? Are you fun to play with? Does he feel that you not liking drama is stupid? Etc)
Ciao Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by Ciao @im-a-dog He said that it was because he wanted to make a team with me and that I was leaving my friends, even though he was my only friend I had left on the server and we mostly talked through DMs anyway. Idk what to do because I don't want to join the server again :/
im-a-dog Skiller	3 years, 8 months ago by im-a-dog It sounds like he doesn’t care about your mental/emotional well-being. In my opinion, that’s not how friends act. He can be on a team with you on another server if he wants to team up with you. Or just be friends in DMs. You’re allowed to set boundaries for yourself, and you’re allowed to enforce them, to cut people out if they don’t respect your boundaries. If this situation was about marathons (just as an example) instead: Your friend asks you to run a marathon with him, but you’ve ran this particular marathon before and you know that there’s a lot of people pushing each other. You don’t want to run it, and your friend says “but they’re not pushing you, it doesn’t involve you”. Yeah, they may not be pushing you, but you’d have to always be aware of your surroundings just in case someone wanted to push you. Or maybe one person pushes another and that second person falls into you. It’s hard to focus on running and enjoying yourself if you constantly have to be vigilant for pushers. I don’t know if the metaphor makes sense, but I hope you get what I’m trying to say. Most importantly: you don’t want to join that server again. You shouldn’t have to. No one should force you to join it again. You don’t want to join that server again, and that is your decision to make, not your friend’s.

minutcraft Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by minutcraft @Ciao The person who's trying to set up the new team sounds like he's trying to coerce/emotionally blackmail you to join. Definitely sounds toxic.
Yellowfang Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by Yellowfang I wouldn’t go back. That’s very toxic. And u should unfriend them so they can pm.
GenMalucci Bracelet King	3 years, 8 months ago by GenMalucci If people are calling inappropriate names, and outing your friends because they want to, you should leave. You did the right thing. In Minecraft it can be very difficult to get stuff, so the fact that they stole it all is a red flag. I suggest playing your uke or finding a new group.

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