Dad's Girlfriend
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Ciao
Bracelet King
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3 years, 9 months ago by Ciao
My parents told my sister and I, they were getting a divorce about 2 years ago. Recently it has been finalized.I know my dad has been dating someone since at least a year ago. He's not good at keeping secrets. It's painfully obvious that he is texting her all the time and on calls. Evening sharing our dog with her. I don't want him to have a girlfriend yet though. The divorce has recently been finalized, and my mom just moved out (its 50/50 split) and I don't know what to do. If he wants to have a girlfriend that is fine, but he made me meet her. I didn't want to, and I never want to again. I never want to see her again. Nothing bad happened, it was a normal conversation, just the fact that she is my dad's girlfriend I don't even know how to explain it. If I tell my dad how I feel he's just going to get mad at me. He's been dating this girl for a long time now and on my mom's weekends, he would go over to her house almost every time. I don't have an issue with them dating, I just don't want to know anything about it, and I never want to see her ever again. What should I do? |
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alivetoliv
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3 years, 9 months ago by alivetoliv
You say you don't mind him dating in your last sentence. But, you also said you don't want to know anything about their relationship, you didn't want to meet her, and you don't want him to have a girlfriend yet. Those are not traits of someone who is supportive of a relationship. I think you need to be honest with yourself in that you actually DO mind he has a girlfriend. Try to ask yourself why you don't want him to have a girlfriend?, why didn't you want to meet her?, what is it that is really bothering you about the situation?, do you feel like he is betraying your mom, do you feel like this is causing him to spend less time with you? People divorce for many reasons. But, ultimately they realize that they are happier apart. There is actually nothing wrong with your Dad dating someone new and being happy at this point. Enjoy your weeks with your mom. Try not to worry about what he's doing and know he's just trying to find his own happiness. Know that your mom may also do the same when she is ready. I can guarantee you that he doesn't love you any less because of this. 🙂 |
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alivetoliv
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3 years, 9 months ago by alivetoliv
Re-reading your post, I also wanted to say that your Dad may actually be very understanding. If you feel like him being on the phone all the time is limiting your quality time, you have the right to say that. You could say, "Hey Dad, I know things have been really different since the divorce. I spend half my time with you and the other half with mom. Our weeks together are really special to me and I feel like it's not the same when you're on the phone all the time."Also try to talk to a family member you trust like an Aunt, Grandparent, or even your mom for advice. Another idea, if you're not great at speaking up to adults just yet is writing your Dad a letter and leaving it on his pillow. |
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alivetoliv
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3 years, 9 months ago by alivetoliv
Sorry to post again. But, also team up with your sister. How does she feel? You all can write the letter together if you chose. But, again I say focus on the root cause of why you feel this way by asking yourself the questions above.
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Ciao
Bracelet King
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3 years, 9 months ago by Ciao
@alivetoliv Thank you so much for your help 😄
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alivetoliv
Bracelet King
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3 years, 9 months ago by alivetoliv
You're welcome! 🙂 Things will be ok with time.
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Brooke1683
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3 years, 9 months ago by Brooke1683
Sorry about this my parents aren’t divorced but if they were and this was happening I would tell my dad how I feel and tell him I would want to spend most of my time with my mom. I, so sorry you have to deal with this. Much love.
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Brooke1683
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3 years, 9 months ago by Brooke1683
From Brooke
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-Nobody-
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3 years, 9 months ago by -Nobody-
I'm sorry you're going through this. My parents are divorced as well and I can't see my mom. What I would do is tell my dad, "Hey, so you've been on the phone a lot and I would like to spend more time with you, not on your phone. I was wondering if we could go do something, just me and you." and see what he says. What it sounds like to me is that your having some trouble adjusting and don't really like his girlfriend. It's okay to not like her. My dad has a girlfriend too and I don't like her. Try giving her a chance because I'm pretty sure it won't change and they'll stay together. Now, I'm not saying they'll stay together forever. If you give her a little chance you might change your perspective. I'm scared to talk to my dad that I don't like his gf but you don't have to if you don't want to. If you want to tell him what you think then do it when your calm and comfortable in doing so. If you don't wanna tell him then don't, it's your decision. Maybe talking would be a good thing. Sorry if this didn't help, I'm hoping it did.
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GenMalucci
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3 years, 9 months ago by GenMalucci
My grandfather got remarried and I honestly find it really difficult to click with her. Her comments and behavior towards me because the only girl in the family, or the things I wear and enjoy, honestly frustrate me, whenever I hear that my grandfather is coming to visit I always make sure that she isn’t coming before anything else. I understand what you’re going through. I would go up to him while he is texting and ask “hey, can we hang out” or ask him to do something with you, if he says no and ties it to her, tell him how you really feel. A father should bring his children before his girlfriend.
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GenMalucci
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3 years, 9 months ago by GenMalucci
By ‘she’ I meant my step grandmother
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Vivi07
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3 years, 9 months ago by Vivi07
Not to sound rude or annoying or anything, but just want to make you aware of this. If I were in your situation, I would feel sad and upset that my parents had divorced, but glad that they would be happier apart. But most of all I would probably feel a bit jealous. Its not a good emotion, but we all feel it at least once in our lives. I would feel jealous becuase it would seem like the girlfriend was consuming all of my time with my dad. Then I would instinctively dislike her because she was taking all my time with my dad. I’m not saying that you feel this, I’m just giving to something to think about, as I would probably feel that way if I were in your position. Sorry if this didn’t help, but I’m hoping it did! (:
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kmmorell
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3 years, 9 months ago by kmmorell
You might be feeling a little bit of apprehension about how "fast" things are moving or that you don't want another person in your dads life. You might be okay with the thought of someone coming into your life, but you might be apprehensive if they let you down or let your dad down. change is really hard and what not, and it always opens another can of worms. Maybe talk to him and tell him that while you are fine with him having a girlfriend, you really don't want him on the phone constantly when it's supposed to be you and him time. If he wants to introduce you to her and you don't want that maybe before it happens, you sit down and talk with him. I know a lot of divorced parents who have gotten into another relationship never introduce their children to people they date unless they think it's going to last. Just talk to him, and nothing can go wrong. Maybe if he realizes that it bothers you, he will listen and explain.
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1aesthetic
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3 years, 9 months ago by 1aesthetic
the same thing happened to me because my dad is also kinda bad at hiding things but the more you talk with her/play family games with her the more you will warm up to her! and if you become friends with their children if they have any then it could even be better! thats sorta what i did exept it was 4 years ago at a beach when we thought we wouldn't she our friend again... anyway point is you be used to her sooner or later! and if u want you could probably do some sort of one on one thing with her to get closer with her! hopefully this helps! 😊
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Nathalieyb
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3 years, 9 months ago by Nathalieyb
I think the most important thing about divorces to keep in mind is: it's better to split up and have another shot at happiness again, then to keep trying and to keep struggling but being unhappy. Life is too short for that. It's rough, but I'd rather see my parents happy and separated, than unhappy and together. Change is just a lot, and it's hard. It would've been nice if your dad has given you more time before you had to meet her tho. It'll just take some time to get used to the idea of it all, which isn't easy. I'm sorry you're going through this!
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ALYSSACHIL
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3 years, 9 months ago by ALYSSACHIL
My parents divorced when I was about 6 and both of my parents started dating other people about a year later. I guess it was easier for me because of how young I was, but it was still hard and I totally get where you’re coming from. I think you should just talk to your dad and tell him that things are moving a little too fast for you right now and that you need some time to process everything. As for the hating the girlfriend part, my biggest piece of advice is to just think about how much enjoyable things can be for everyone if your parents are happy, even if that’s with other people. It takes some time, but it gets easier and you can message me to talk if you ever need to talk about it
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