what should i do?
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PugCakePop
Bracelet King
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1 year, 7 months ago by PugCakePop
today i went out with my bsf and we took this really cute pic of us together. she sent it to her boyfriend and he showed all his friends the pic and as per her bf their "jaw dropped" which was flattering at first. i am aroace and both my bsf and her bf know that. i was fine, even happy about the compliment until my bsf said they were sexualising me- even her bf who knew i was ace and not ok with that. to make matters worse he outed me to his entire friend group which is pretty big. they're all quite popular, so who knows who they told by now..i feel so uncomfortable and nauseous. i almost vomited after a while. i guess that thought didn't even cross my mind- my brain isn't wired that way- but i kind of feel guilty for feeling bad about it? they're heterosexual teen boys and im considered the abnormal one.. is my reaction justified? and how do i ignore this? because i'm really trying to distract myself but i still keep thinking about it. i just feel so gross ): im really sorry to anyone who thinks this is innapropriate, but i feel borderline physically ill and this is the most supportive community i know. again, i apologize if this makes anyone feel uncomfortable. |
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angelskies
Advanced
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1 year, 7 months ago by angelskies
OMGThat’s horrible I’m so sorry! It is definitely NOT okay for them to be sexualizing you like that. I would maybe confront them about it, or tell your bsf that they made you feel really uncomfortable if you trust her enough. Again, I’m so sorry that you had to be in a situation like this, it feels horrible, especially since most teen guys (at least the ones I know) usually only see us girls as “objects.” You can talk to me whenever you need to, I’m so sorry this happened to you. |
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Yelena09
Bracelet King
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1 year, 7 months ago by Yelena09
Good. Lord.I'm so, SO sorry about that. That is wrong on SO many levels. I had something similar happen to me (not going into depth) and I'm also ace sexual. I still feel sick to this day and this happened nearly a year ago, so I say it's normal and ok to feel that way if they made you uncomfortable. Almost all of the teen boys I know treat girls like their objects or accessories. I say confront, but you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable. Again; I'm so sorry and we're here if you need us <3 |
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PugCakePop
Bracelet King
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1 year, 7 months ago by PugCakePop
@angelskies @Yelena09 thank you so much for the response guys 💗 i'm trying to move past the incident and focus on more important things.. although i still feel sick. if i start feeling worse again i'll definitely message you! i appreciate y'all so much!
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PugCakePop
Bracelet King
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1 year, 7 months ago by PugCakePop
@Yelena09 im sos rory you had to go through a similar situation. it really is the worst ):
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swag123456
Skiller
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1 year, 7 months ago by swag123456
@PugCakePop OH NO. i am so sorry this happened. you deserve better, it is so not okay for them to be sexualizing you like that. heterosexual teen boys can be gross and mean, im lesbian and not really out yet and almost every day somone says something like “ ew im so glad im not gay” or they shout me a weird look when i talk abt how i thought a girl is cute. you don’t deserve to be in a situation like this, especially after all you did was take a photo with your friend. i am able to talk whenever you need to and i hope it gets better |
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IndyHaine
Bracelet King
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1 year, 7 months ago by IndyHaine
I'm sorry this happened! I think you're reaction is pretty normal for an ace person. Or at least I had a pretty similar thing happen and reacted about the same way. (Also you're not abnormal! Even if we consider asexuality abnormal in the sense of being a minority, then I still know a ton of allosexual people who are also super uncomfortable if they're sexualised. It's absolutely okay to feel that way because that's YOUR boundary. You get to set it. Nobody else gets to dictate that to you.I hope you don't feel bad about yourself. People are just "weird" (in the sense that everyone thinks differently and we can't always predict what others think). I've learnt the hard way that no matter what you wear, do or how you move; someone somewhere will always sexualize it. Especially for female-perceived people. Best we can do is speak out against it. But only do that if you comfortable and safe with confronting that behaviour. If you think it will alienate you from someone you don't wanna be alienated from, then that's a valid reason to not say anything. Whatever makes you most comfortable in the end. Again, sorry that happened. |
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PugCakePop
Bracelet King
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1 year, 7 months ago by PugCakePop
@swag123456 @IndyHaine thank you guys 💗
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