strict parent phone issues (also a place to rant abt similar experiences)
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nev_m_07
So my parents are really strict about my phone, and they always have been. I got my first phone in fifth grade when I was 10 so 6 years ago at this point, and it was completely locked down. Like I mean no app store, no games, no social media, I wasn't allowed to call/text anyone except for my parents and a few relatives who were on my emergency list at school. They even went as far as to block my camera so I couldn't even take pictures. I was only allowed to have my camera for the few times that I went to do something fun like on our trip to Disney and on the last day of 5th grade so I could take goodbye pictures with my friends. I ended up giving my phone number to a bunch of my friends, and my parents got mad at me and took my phone. It wasn't until 7th grade that I was allowed to have other stuff on my phone, and even then it was very restricted. I had (and still have) family sharing on so they can control my screen time, and any time I want to download a new app, it sends a request to their phones and then they can decide to accept it or not (most of the time they say no). Now I'm almost 16 and going into 10th grade and they still have all of these parental controls on. No social media, not even youtube or pinterest, and my screen time is blocked from 7:30pm-7:00am. And just last week I convinced them to let me have my own apple pay bc all of my money was in their apple pays or cashapps, and they literally made it so that I can only send/receive money from them, and if I try to use my apple card at a store or online I have to ask for permission from them to use it. Like it's literally my money and yet they're controlling it. And despite them literally having my phone on COMPLETE LOCKDOWN, they still feel the need to check my phone, go through my text messages and camera roll, and they even at one point went through my school computer. Like I don't get it... if they have my phone where I can hardly do anything without their permission, why do they still not trust me? It's honestly hurtful bc I've never been one to do things behind their backs, especially on my electronics. But its getting out of control. The parental controls made sense when I was in elementary school, but to have this many restrictions for a highschooler is ridiculous. Like I literally get made fun of for it and it makes me want to cry sometimes bc its so incredible embarrassing. And my mom said she was going to let me get instagram and tiktok so that when I start my online business I can promote my products, but now every time I ask, she gives me this lecture about "well I don't really understand why you can't sell in person, like at markets or something... not everything needs to be online." It's just really frustrating especially bc I didn't do anything wrong in terms of my phone, so I don't get why they can't trust me. If you have any ideas or advice, pls share, or if you just want to rant abt a similar experience, I'm here to listen.
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pablotimon
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by pablotimon
my parents are the same way with devices 😩
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La_Loca
Professional
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2 years, 3 months ago by La_Loca
Ok…. As a parent of adult children, I will weigh in here. My daughter is almost 30 and my son is 25. They grew up and out of school before smart phones… but I am also a godmother to a very tech-saavy 7.75 year old. Yes, complete control over electronics that access the internet while in grade school is very understandable, prudent actually. But you are now 16. Yes you are welcome of enough to become emancipated but also it is still a very vulnerable age. Believe me… there are a lot of crazies out there, and I understand your parents’ worries. But there needs to be some wiggle-room. I grew up in an overly-protective household where I had zero privacy and it was brutal, so I feel you. It’s a double-edged sword, as over-protection can foster secrecy and deceit … and nobody wants that. I had to lead a double life, and in turn I was very naïve since I was not sat down and taught the possible evils in the world, just controlled to the extreme instead. That is a recipe for disaster for when you embark on adulthood and I had some very hard life lessons. —— my suggestion is you should write down an outline of what you feel you should be able to have control over, and include points on how this can be beneficial, and also ways of compromise for both you and your parents. You are so los enough to drive, you should be old enough to have your own phone (and control over it), but be sure to include points that you understand that your parents care for you and they have the fear of the deep chasm that is the internet. I personally have an issue of your parents controlling your money. If you earn yourself money, then it is YOUR MONEY. I babysat and housesat for many years, and I saved (and hidden) all my money, and wishing the month I turned 18, I moved out and moved all the way to Japan and never looked back. My relationship with my overly-controlling parents basically became non-existent for years, and even now as I am turning 50 is still quite strained. Your parents I believe would not want that, but it looks like they are heading down that path if they don’t start giving you respect as a young adult and as an individual. So, I think you should put together a proposition with points to the positive, and negative, and what compromises that can be considered. Sit your parents down and have a true discussion on these points. You are approaching adulthood and they need to recognize that, and their over-protectiveness might backfire if they don’t re-assess their perspective of your age and position in life. I wish you great luck!
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La_Loca
Professional
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2 years, 3 months ago by La_Loca
Ok… I’m on mobile so… typos—- “you are OLD enough to become emancipated” … “you are old enough to drive” … “and within the month I turned 18”
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nev_m_07
@La_Loca thank you for that advice! You made some valid points about there being crazy people on the internet, and I think that is their main concern. I will definitely try to have a discussion with them about this, and hopefully some changes can be made. I do understand that they want to protect me, so I will try to keep that in mind, but hopefully the discussion goes well overall. Thanks again!
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La_Loca
Professional
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2 years, 3 months ago by La_Loca
Remember, they grew up before this whole world at their fingertips in their pocket. As you hit on each point, be sure to ask THEM what their concerns are, and allow this to open an ADULT conversation. Be sure to keep a level head. Don’t let your emotions take over. Keep the mantra running in your head “I will act like an adult and I will not emotionally react” … if you act calm and with knowledge, their opinion of you may change and maybe treat you with more respect.
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nev_m_07
@La_Loca thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. 🙂
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indaco
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by indaco
Maybe try one thing at time, idk, maybe you should start with texting because checking a 16 year olds messages is against human rights. I am not kidding!!! PRIVACY IS THE 13TH HUMAN RIGHT!!! Look it up. You are 16, tell them that they should at least stop checking your texts with your friends (the ones your age I mean) because 1) human rights 2) if there were any secrets among you teens you could tell them in person anyway so what's the point 3) tell them that your friends won't message you anymore because they don't want their messages to be seen by your parents (even if it's a lie). Plus at 16 you have to rebel a little, that's how I got what I wanted if I desperately wanted it. Sometimes I won, other times I got grounded for months lol, but I am so proud of it because I eventually got what I wanted, even if it wasn't easy. Being grounded is temporary after all! (I am only talking about free stuff, I never once demanded money in that way!!!). I just know that if I were in your situation I would be so mad and rightly so // ⚠️ those are random suggestions, I have no idea how would your parents react, I don't know them and I don't want to put you in any dangerous situations, so be careful and ignore my suggestions if they are useless/bad // Also, chat freely with your friends and delete any message you don't want them to see, but never delete the whole chat or they'll be able to tell you deleted it. Delete the secret messages as soon as you receive them and have a sort of code with your friends so that they know when your parents are looking at your phone while you are typing (example, send a 💜 emoji anytime they are coming). Remember your human rights, you deserve them, you are 16, in the US you can drive a car! In my country you could legally drink alcohol (but please don't drink that stuff)
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indaco
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by indaco
I don't want to turn you into a “bad girl” or anything, as long as you don't do bad or dangerous stuff once you get your rights, you are fine. Never giving away surnames/addresses/phone numbers to strangers etc.
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ArtsyAnna
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by ArtsyAnna
Don’t EVER LIE!!!!! It is a terrible idea and I am pretty sure you will regret it for the rest of your life. Because that is what happened to me. Maybe not for this particular circumstance but close.
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nonhuman
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nonhuman
I’m only 12 and I know my mom is trying to protect me with restrictions but she won’t let me have my friends phone number so I can to talk to them
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nev_m_07
@nonhuman yea my parents were the same way when I was that age. I wasn’t allowed to give out my number until I got to seventh grade, and even then I had to ask for permission first. 🙁
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nev_m_07
@nonhuman maybe if you have a school email you could communicate through there? I used to do that before I had a phone, and they didn’t seem bothered by it. But maybe just try talking to your mom about it, and ask her if she’ll let you give it to maybe a few close friends that she’s met. But ik if she’s anything like my mom then she might be reluctant…
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 3 months ago by nev_m_07
@La_Loca I talked it over with them and basically told them that I felt like I was mature enough to have social media and that I would make good choices and let them know if I got any suspicious or creepy messages. They did say that basically I have to keep my account on private and I can’t show my face or say where I go to school, which is hard bc I am on my school’s cheer team so they’ll probably tag me in posts but I won’t like tell random people my school or my age, and they said if I do post it obviously can’t be inappropriate or anything. So I’m pretty happy abt it, especially since a lot of updates for the cheer team are on instagram, and since I’ve been wanting to post pictures since I do photography. So thanks for the advice, it really did help!
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La_Loca
Professional
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2 years, 3 months ago by La_Loca
@nev_m_07 --- I am very happy your parents are willing to listen to you, and you all are now taking your first steps towards a mutually respected approach. I understand where they are coming from about your not posting pics of yourself... there ARE a lot of crazies out there! believe me! They are just watching out for your best interest and safety. GOOD ADVICE of not posting your name, age, location, etc. And keeping your profile on private is extremely prudent. Of course you will be tagged by your friends, so keep a close eye on your profile. Take down whatever is too revealing to your personal information, etc. Now school activities will show some info, but as long as you keep your own profile private, the crazies won't take the time to try to contact you (most of the time). WORDS of ADVICE - don't be hesitant to BLOCK people. If you start getting some rando contacting you, BLOCK THEIR BUTT! The BLOCK button will be your friend, and your first wall of defense! That, with keeping your profile private, will secure you from 95% of any malicious intent / groomers out there. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT ENGAGE IN ONLINE BULLYING! Also, if you see that you are being bullied, TELL SOMEONE... and BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK! The best way to engage with bullying, is to NOT ENGAGE! If they cannot get a rise out of you, then they will look for more fertile pastures. All they want is to get a reaction. Remember that you are ABOVE THAT, and if someone chooses to think untruths about you, then they don't need to be in your life. Think of them as tiny little petty people that don't have anything good in their own life, and is just projecting their own insecurities. (((HUGS))) It's very good to keep an open dialogue with your parents. Remember that they didn't grow up in this digital media age, and there are a lot (I mean a LOT) of horror stories out there, so understanding where they come from is imperative to keep communications open. But, they also need to understand that Social Media is something that is a part of everyone's lives, especially your generation, and it's not something that they can 🙈 and hope it goes away. Keep vigilant, keep secure, but also enjoy! there are a lot of fun things that come from Social Media. |
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