friend advice
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 5 months ago by nev_m_07
Hey! so ik all I do on here is ask for advice lol, but this time it's really important. (DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY TRYING TO BE HOMOPHOBIC OR OFFENSIVE TO ANYONE IN THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, I JUST GENUINELY NEED ADVICE!) Ok so in my friend group at school, most of my friends identify as members of the LGBTQ+ community, which I fully support. I am only 1 of 3 straight people in my group, and I feel like the three of us end up being the butt of all jokes, and a few people in my friend group constantly say things to extort us for no reason. For example, they'll be like "If you don't share those fruit snacks with me, you're homophobic," which I know is not true, but they always say stuff like that. Or most recently, they'll say "OMG how could you?! And during pride month?!" And the other day, my school had this pride event which I think is super cool, and they asked a bunch of us if we were going, and when a few of us said we couldn't make it (bc we had a school project to finish), one of my friends was like "what is it bc ur afraid of gay people?" And ik they do it as a joke, but idrk how to handle it. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, and it's not that I don't support my friends bc I do, but it's just kind of awkward to be constantly put in these situations. And I feel like if I confront them about it, they'll just make more jokes about how "homophobic" I am. And I'm not homophobic at all, like I said many of my friends identify as members of the LGBTQ+ community, and my best friend is bi, but I just don't like being put in situations where uncomfortable jokes are made and my response could just worsen the situation. In most cases, I just end up laughing it off, but a few days ago it got so bad that I had to grab my stuff and leave bc I was on the verge of either crying or having a panic attack or both. And I don't normally cry in front of people, but I almost did that day. A few of my friends kept saying stuff like "if you don't do ____, you're homophobic," or "if you don't say ____, then you're homophobic," and when I didn't say anything or I just like didn't know what to say, and one of them was like "look at her! her face is so red haha" and stuff like that, and it made me feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed bc they did it in front of a bunch of people. Idk what to do, but I really wish they would stop making jokes like that, especially since I've made such a large effort to educate myself on the history of the LGBTQ+ community, and to understand each of their stories. And it's not all of my friends, but the few that do it are generally hard to get through to. So yeah, idrk what to do, but if you have any advice, it would be much appreciated! (: |
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senor
Bracelet King
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2 years, 5 months ago by senor
tbh i understand what you’re talking abt. i personally thing you should confront them abt it. if they try to play it off a joke or disregard your feelings, then they’re not good friends. regardless of sexuality, people should listen when jokes make people uncomfortable. honestly, i think you should explain what you said in the forum to them. and especially since you said that once one of them made fun of you for not knowing how to respond to that joke (which to me is valid. especially if you’re part of the majority, there’s a line you can’t cross and personally, i feel for those people even tho i haven’t been in their shoes) and saying that “haha your face is so red” that should’ve been a sign to them that something wasn’t just a joke. if you want to pm me abt this subject, im totally okay w that too.
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xc2024
Professional
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2 years, 5 months ago by xc2024
i know people who do that, honestly idk what to say either, i just kinda ignore if but if you find something to say that works please lmk
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Vivi07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 4 months ago by Vivi07
i had a friend who was experiencing the same thing so we went and talked to her favourite teacher and then the teacher listened and talked to the girl who was saying stuff like this to my friend. they wre actually friends ots just that she was making jokes to my friend but it made her feel. uncomfortable so the teacher and my friend talked woth the girl and clearer everything up and its all good now! i recommend smth like that?
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 4 months ago by nev_m_07
@Vivi07 we actually had a meeting with the entire group to talk about this and other issues, and it seems like everything’s been cleared up for now. If the issue comes up again, though, I’ll try doing what you did (:
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xc2024
Professional
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2 years, 4 months ago by xc2024
@nev_m_07 ooh thats good, ill have to try just clearing things up the next time someone im friends with starts doing/saying that
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bellapixie
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2 years, 4 months ago by bellapixie
I am a very shy person and only have two friends that I talk to on a regular bases I knew Katie was lesbian which I fully support don’t get me wrong yet my other friend Sophia was straight. They started dating which I support the LGBTQA+ but it is really awkward always being the third wheel. Some of my classmates have been saying some not appropriate things about all three of us being romantically involved and it has become really awkward all the time. Any suggestions how to deal with it?
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 4 months ago by nev_m_07
@bellapixie honestly, I would just be open with them and say how you feel. That ended up being the solution in my case, and my friends that kept making uncomfortable jokes said that had I mentioned something about it sooner, they would have stopped a long time ago. So I would recommend maybe just talking to the people who are saying that in private and telling them that what they're saying is making the situation awkward and uncomfortable. And if you don't feel comfortable saying it to them directly, you could ask one of your friends to talk to them, or you could write them a note or something and have someone you trust give it to them. But I think they'll understand more if you have an actual conversation about it. 🙂
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bellapixie
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2 years, 4 months ago by bellapixie
@nev_m_07 Thanks for the advice
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Vivi07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 4 months ago by Vivi07
glad its all sorted xx (:
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