sibling advice (pls read, it’s important)
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by nev_m_07
So my brother and I have been fighting a lot recently, and it’s not like petty fights. It’s literally to the point where I’ll say something nicely, calmly, and not hostile/confrontational and he’ll just start screaming at me for no reason. Like the other day we were told to do the dishes after dinner (as we always do), and he wasn’t really doing anything to help, so I asked him”Hey, ____, could you please help dry off those dishes over there?“ and he rolled his eyes, snatched the towel off of the hanger thing and started aggressively grabbing dishes to dry them off. Then, still calmly, I said “please be gentle because if you break something, Mom will be mad.” And then he threw the towel and started yelling about how “I’m always bossing him around” and other stuff that wasn’t related to me nicely asking him to do something. I wasn’t even being bossy or mean, I just asked him if he could help out because he wasn’t doing anything. And just now when we were walking our dogs, he was irritated that I asked him to walk with me, when all I wanted was a little company while we walked. Normally we’ll talk and joke around while we walk, but this time he was just screaming at me (mind you, we were outside, and there were other kids, adult neighbors, and some of his friends from school watching). I told him to quiet down because he was screaming rlly loud and saying some pretty horrible things about me. He also kept bringing up stuff from when we were little (stuff that literally happened over 10+ years ago), and comparing it to me now, which isn’t fair either. But anyways, I know that he’s really tense right now because he isn’t doing super well in school and my parents are really on his back about his grades, and he even got his phone, switch, oculus, and computer and tv privileges taken away. And while my parents are constantly on him about his grades, they never rlly worry about mine bc I tend to do really well in school. I think part of it is bc he’s upset about the situation and the fact that my parents don’t worry about my school life that much, but it isn’t really fair to take it out on me. I also think it’s because he’s a teenager so he’s gonna be like that. Am I in the wrong in this situation? And what should I do to avoid more situations like this? I know siblings fight all the time, but I really feel our relationship weakening. We’re really close (emotionally and age wise we’re only 2 years apart), and I just want to be a good big sister. What should I do?
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Denver
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by Denver
It is not your fault at all, and maybe he is just very stressed, yet it is not ok for him to treat you like this. You could talk to him one-on-one and maybe give him advice about how to do better in school, but you should tell him that although you understand him and feel sorry for him he cannot react this way when you are trying to be nice to him. He might feel sorry and apologize, and if he does I would recommend for you forgive him immediately; he might also not feel sorry (maybe in a little time he will realize he was wrong) and in that case you could just tell him that if he ever needs to talk you are here for him and are very willing to go back to being very close, although if you do [go back to being close] he needs to be nicer to you. If he complains about something listen to him and determine wether or not it is reasonable and just tell him your opinion in a calm way and see how it goes from there. I hope this helps, please let me know how it goes. Good luck! 😊
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tkd2010
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by tkd2010
Hi! I’m really sorry your going thru this. I totally agree with what @Denver said! What I would do is maybe get him so food he likes or ice cream or something and just sit down and talk. Tell him that your sorry if you did anything that’s making him act like this. (Just the two of y’all) Make sure he knows that if he needs to talk abt anything your always there. (He might or might not depending on how he is) And what you said abt him bringing up old stuff I’m NOT SURE but I feel like he’s bringing that up bc he’s thinking abt his past and maybe regretting or something Idk. You seem like an amazing sister! The fact that you want to get back that close bond just says a lot. You seem like an amazing person and again I’m so sorry your going thru this. Best of luck and I hope I helped!💛
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by nev_m_07
@Denver // I always tell him that he can come to me for help with school since I’ve already taken all of the classes he’s in right now, but I think he struggles with asking for help. I think part of it could be that I personally struggle with asking for help, so he probably just assumes that I have everything figured out on my own, but even I have to ask for help. Also, I’ve tried to give him school advice about time management but he just gets irritated with me and just doesn’t listen. Even during distance learning, I tried to help him manage his time, and even offered to help him set up a planner to keep his assignments organized, but he didn’t seem to want the help. I’m going to try to offer him some advice again, and we’ll see how it goes. (:
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jaygonauk7
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by jaygonauk7
I am a younger brother, and my older brother is 2 years older than me, so from this perspective, I think he may just be upset with himself, for not doing something that he knew about already, but he just doesn’t know what to do with that anger, so he takes it out on you, which definitely isn’t right, but I don’t think that what he needs right now is instruction bc he probably already knows what to do, I think that he may just want to do it and be done with it, but doesn’t know how to start. Maybe at this point in time, just be kind to him and be a friend, and (I doubt this is what you’re doing from What you said, but just in case I’ll say it anyway) just reply to his anger with kindness, maybe just give him a hug every now and then, he may need it.
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by nev_m_07
@Denver // @tkd2010 // @jaygonauk7 // we talked for a while and we were pretty much on the same page about what’s causing the arguments, and we both figured out a plan to hopefully improve our relationship. Thank you so much for the advice 💕
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tkd2010
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by tkd2010
Yes of course! I’m glad I could help!💛😊
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Denver
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by Denver
Glad you figured it out! I hope your plan works! 😊
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Love_Fox2
Skiller
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2 years, 6 months ago by Love_Fox2
Hey! I totally understand what your going through - I have 6 older brothers-. Just so you know, this is not your fault, but it may not be completely his either. Maybe hes having trouble tih some of his friends- and like you said hes struggling with grades and got his stuff taken away. I could understand why he was a little stressed because of that. I have a few options, I don't know if they will work but maybe these could help.- First off, definitely I think you should talk to him about it. Tell him how you love him as your brother but you think your relationship is kind of falling apart as lately. Ask him if it is something you did or if there is something you could do to help him not be as upset or to make him feel better. I think talking to him is important, because really what could you loose. If he is already yelling at you the only thing he could do is yell at you again. - Maybe you could try being extra nice to him. Like even if he is screaming at you, do some chores for him or get him a gift or some food. IF you give him his favorite candy or something, he can't resist that! - If it gets real bad where he is yelling at you constantly you should ask your parents to help or make him stop. - If it comes down to it, just flat out ignore him. If he isn't going to be nice to you, no reason why you should be telling him to stop. If he yells at you or asks you for something, give him the silent treatment. He might stop then. If I think of anything else, ill let you know! Hope everything starts working out for you guys! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ |
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Love_Fox2
Skiller
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2 years, 6 months ago by Love_Fox2
Oh I see now that you figured things out. Thats great!
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SusuKnots
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by SusuKnots
I'm sorry, that seems really frustrating. Although I do agree with everyone else who responded to your dilemma saying that it is important to be nice to him and acknowledge his feelings, I do not believe that that is the most effective way to combat this situation. In my experience, the easiest, fastest, and by far the most practical way to solve this is to wait until he is least expecting it, and dramatically punch/smack/tackle/aggresively yeet him into another dimension (take your choice). Then you may laugh, or smirk, depending on what the circumstances call for. He will be stunned, and far too in awe of your punching/smacking/tackling/yeeting skills to ever provoke you again, instead fearing your wrath. I hope this helps!
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nev_m_07
Bracelet King
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2 years, 6 months ago by nev_m_07
@SusuKnots 😂
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excuse_me
Skiller
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2 years, 6 months ago by excuse_me
I feel this. My sister is 2 years older and once she turned about 10 she basically just ignored me and acted like I wasn't there. Your brother might just be moody. All teenagers and tweens go through their moody phases. But my sister is much nicer to me now so maybe he'll be nicer to you soon? Hopefully it's just a short phase. I hope everything turns out alright tho.
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