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I need some help/advice!

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LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by LiliaKnots I’ve been great friends with this girl for years. I had only one friend that I consider a better friend than her. All three of us hang out and are friends though. This year I’ve discovered a different side of her that I didn’t know about. I found out she was anti vax (and she went crazy when I told her I was vaccinated), I found out she was against BLM (but she says she’s not against black people, just the movement) and she’s homophobic (she said she’s not homophobic, just against lgbtq+) and she still had large gatherings in the midst of the pandemic without masks. My best friend and I have had numerous fights with her over these things. The real turning point though is when one of our classmates (who is bi) wrote “Happy Pride Month!” On our google classroom class.everyone was replying with rainbows and flags then she was screaming in the replies “NO. NO. NO.” Multiple times. We all put pride profile pictures on to support our classmate that day (including our teachers) and when the friend joined the google meet she went berserk yelling and screaming and she was like “I’m so mad I’m shaking” and it was so pathetic. She’s never actually been mean or rude to me or my best friend, she’s actually really nice to us but I’m done. So the advice I need is that she doesn’t actually know I don’t want to be friends anymore and she doesn’t use electronics when she doesn’t have to so she doesn’t read texts (which go to her moms phone because she doesn’t have one). When I get to school in person on the first day, she’s going to come up to me and my best friend and I don’t know what we’re going to say. I don’t want to just say “I don’t wanna be your friend anymore” like a 1st grader but I don’t really know what else to say. I also don’t want to make a scene in the school yard in front of all the teachers and parents. I was thinking something along the lines of “(name), you were so rude during pride month and you’re just kind of not the person I want to hang with anymore so I’m sorry but this year maybe you should just have other friends”. But also, we she wasn’t being insane, I’ve had a lot of fun with her and she’s a really funny person so maybe there’s a way I can help her be nicer and we can keep being friends? I want to know how you think I should approach her. I really want to know someone else’s opinion if you know what I should do! Tl;dr: I want to drop my racist homophobic anti-vax friend and I don’t know how. But also maybe I just want to help her be a better person and remain being friends?
senor Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by senor maybe try distancing urself from her, and then if she asks, tell her why. give her bullet points of what made you decide that it wasn’t worth being her friend. be respectful of her side of view. doesn’t mean you have to agree, but don’t do what she did with the google classroom thing. saying NO NO NO is really immature. even if ppl are against lgbtq doesn’t mean they should act like a child.
SummerBird Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by SummerBird I agree with @senor , just trying to slowly distance yourself seems like the more mature thing to do. Abruptly breaking it off with her could make her angry and might cause more problems. If she asks why you aren't hanging out with her as much, you could tell her the reasons. If you think that it would help, you could try to educate her about the topics that you mentioned, but only if you think that she would actually listen to you. I'm not in your situation, so I don't know if that would make things better or worse. From what you've said, it seems like she would be pretty resistent to learning about those issues. But, anyway, I would definitely try to distance yourself from her. You could also talk to the other friend that you mentioned and see what their opinion is on what you should do, since they are in the same situation as you. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it seems like a tough thing to go through, especially if you've known her for a long time.
loopAloop Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by loopAloop I do agree with your friend that these things are bad but she was being really rude and mean.

crafter83 Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by crafter83 Yeah, I’d not walk up to her or initiate anything. Either she will get the hint and leave you alone, or confront you. This is the best phrase to not anger people, so fill in the blanks. “I feel ___ when you do ___ because it makes me feel ___” Good luck ❤️
crafter83 Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by crafter83 I mean I’m bi and I used to be homophobic. It could be how they were raised so if they ask why you are distancing I’d tell them the truth and see what happens. Hate is taught. I managed to work through it and I am going to help one of my friends go from saying “Riley’s bi, but I wish they were straight” to “Riley’s bi and I hope they find a good partner regardless of gender.”
crafter83 Bracelet King	3 years, 3 months ago by crafter83 I mean at least I hope so. He is a very strong Christian. Very nice guy, but it will be hard to convince him that it’s not a sin
LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by LiliaKnots @senor @SummerBird yeah the only problem with distancing from her slowly is that the way the first day of school works is everyone is in a decent sized yard where you can spot someone from wherever you are in it and my friend is going to run right up to me right away no matter what I do because that’s how we did it last year and she doesn’t know anything’s different. And if we are in the same class, we are in the same class all day every day because we have only one class and we still have recesses. My best friend feels the same way I do but she’s extremely shy and won’t get into a confrontation or even a small argument so it’s up to me and I won’t know what to say when she approaches me. Plus I feel really bad because her other close friends were a year older than us and are going to high school next year. And my best friend, the other friend, and I have these two other friends that we are very close with (all of us hung out a lot before Covid) but they don’t know what happened because they were in another class so I don’t know what to tell them too. The other thing is I don’t know if I want to be her friend or not yet because we had so much fun together it’s just now she became so childish about this. It wouldn’t even be a big deal if she kept her opinion to herself and was civilized but she was so childish.I really don’t know what to do : (
LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by LiliaKnots @loopAloop that’s completely fine because you are being civilized and aren’t being childish like my friend was. If she had kept her opinion to herself and was quiet, it wouldn’t have been a big deal.
LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by LiliaKnots @crafter83 it’s going to be impossible to avoid her because of what I said above but that’s a really good phrase I’m going to use that and say: “[her name], It made me feel kind of angry and sad when you were saying those things during pride month because it makes me feel like you don’t care about how other people feel and it makes me think that you’re a rude person”. Yeah I think that’s good. It’s civilized, not rude, and makes the statement about me not her, thanks so much! I don’t think it’s because of how she was raised because she told me she was mad once because her parents aren’t homophobic and she is. And we go to a Catholic school that is very accepting (teachers+principal put pride profile pics during pride, wish happy pride, we learn that we should be accepted no matter who you are, etc.) so it wouldn’t be that either. She gets it all from the Bible, she believes every word in it. Once she took the Bible off the religion table in our classroom and she opened it to the page that talks about men loving men and women loving women (she memorized the page) and she circled the section with a bright highlighter. I’d love to know how you’re planning on helping your friend though. I really want to keep being her friend because we’ve had so much fun together but not if she stays the way she is. She’s also usually a really nice girl (at least to me) but a strong Christian who lives strongly by the bible. She’s also really old fashioned. She literally won’t use anything invented after the 1950’s unless she has to, she doesn’t use electronics, she only came onto online school when she had to, she only wears very 50ish clothes (we have a school uniform but she only wears skirts that go below her knees, and she wears vintage clothes on our dress down days) so I don’t know how willing she’ll be to change but maybe if it means losing her friends she will. Thanks so much for your help!!!
GenMalucci Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by GenMalucci Just because she doesn’t believe in the same things doesn’t mean you can be friends. Explain that you felt hurt with some of her actions. Not supporting those things doesn’t make her a bad person. I suggest asking her about her views, and trying to put yourself in her shoes. Don’t try to tell her that she’s wrong, or a bad person because it’ll make the situation worse. I suggest telling her that you got hurt and found her actions unkind. You can still be friends, just explain how you felt/feel, and move on. (: inviting her over is your best bet. Friendships don’t have to end with politics

GenMalucci Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by GenMalucci Oh, and the Bible thing. If she is held tight to beliefs that’s not an issue. Everyone sees the world differently, and reading the Bible isn’t bad. As someone who reads the Bible daily, I see passages about marriage and relationships, and I believe it because that’s what I believe in, and I know people who don’t believe in that yet we can talk and be in the same area without having it be an issue. I wish you the best (:
LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by LiliaKnots @GenMalucci you’re right, and it’s not really the fact that she doesn’t believe it’s right, it’s the fact that she acted so childish and rude about it. I don’t think that she handled the situation right and I want to help her keep her opinions to herself more and be more accepting of the fact that people can be themselves even if I don’t make her believe that it’s not wrong to be lgbtq+. I know it doesn’t make her a bad person but making fun of people for something they can’t change is. Not believing that being lgbtq+ is ok is fine as long and you are civil and nice about it. And there nothing wrong with believing in stuff in the Bible and reading the Bible at all. I believe in a lot of stuff in it, just not all and I think that that’s ok. I’m Catholic just like her I’m just not as strongly rooted in it. I want to try to help her become a better person so she accepts people even if she doesn’t believe it’s right and so she can keep her opinions to herself if it’s going to hurt someone else. I do hope I can be friends with her but if she keeps acting like such a child I don’t think it’s going to work. Thanks for your help though! (:
loopAloop Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by loopAloop I don't even think it would be that mean if she said it nicely, like if she said "nothing" or like "guys you might know I don't agree with these things, and could you not talk to me about them". We do have the right to state our opinion but you should be respectful of other people because there might be a really sad reason that they disagree with you.
LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by LiliaKnots @loopAloop thanks for being so respectful I wish she was like you. You are very right. The bi girl in my class was a good sport but she could have really hurt someone’s feelings. And i wasn’t being disrespectful don’t worry and the reason she disagrees with me is just because she’s very rooted in the Bible. Thanks!
GenMalucci Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by GenMalucci I get that! I understand because I have had friendships like this. I think your best bet is to explain that you were hurt by her actions and you would like it if she tried to be a bit more mature with her actions (I wouldn’t state it that way though) Another thing worth mentioning, is people feel ganged up on if there are like two or more people being harsh or unkind in response to their actions. So maybe just gather some info with your other friend and then one of you talk to her instead of both? Just one more thing, not supporting lgbtq doesn’t make you homophobic. The word is misused sometimes, and I don’t support it, but I’m not homophobic. (: again, I wish you the best!
GenMalucci Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by GenMalucci I would ask her to be respectful of everyone even if they don’t believe the same things!

crafter83 Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by crafter83 I wonder if there is another family member like a aunt who she is influenced by. I think there are many things wrong with Christianity and hate it tbh. So I’m gonna point out to him even though I’m uncomfortable I let him talk a lot about his religion. Like he tells me he isn’t surprised by some mental health problems because the world is going to be broken. Yet I’m still friends with him and let him talk about it. I don’t think it should be illegal for him to practice his faith. So I want to point out then he shouldn’t feel like me dating/ marrying a female should be illegal, and accept me as I am. Like he thought I was influenced by lgbtq people, yet I hadn’t really talked to any until after I started questioning. So we’ll see how this goes 😬
LiliaKnots Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by LiliaKnots @GenMalucci that’s true but the way she was extremely disrespectful to members of the lgbtq+ community (it wasn’t just this one time too) and acting the way she did I think was homophobic. I believe that you aren’t. I wish she was like you with her own opinions but still being respectful. And thanks, have a good one! (:
senor Bracelet King	3 years, 2 months ago by senor ig maybe u also don’t have to physically distance urself? you can emotionally distance, or if she brings up lgbtq things and her acting childish about not agreeing, then u can be more apathetic towards it ig. not disrespectful, but like make it more obvious that u don’t agree?

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