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I'm Writing a Story

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_Theatre_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by _Theatre_ I'm writing a story. Here's the first page: I stare at the man with the curly hair through the nearly black glass of the limousine window. He had stood there every day for the past four years. He arrived at the corner of Brackerbaler and Wilbury at 7 am and went home only at 9 pm. The man always did the same thing: he wore a tin-foil headband around his curly red hair and held the same cardboard sign. The end is near. That’s what it always read. He held the sign and waved it around in the air like a maniac. Sometimes he would yell, sometimes throw bread at me like I was a bird. I saw him today for the last time, and for only a few seconds, but the words on his sign were unmistakable. He stands there now, still as a rock and stone-faced. ‘The end has passed’ reads his sign. I feel an oddly sickening feeling in my stomach. The limo speeds along the oddly clear streets fast enough to make me carsick. I’m not used to cars. Of course I see them speeding by my little alley every day, but it’s been nearly five years since I’ve rode one. I try to think back to the Good Times but I cannot. I have no memories. I was very small when the Good Times ended- maybe five or six. I was able to avoid Carley Sweeps for only a small amount of time before she got me. How can I be thinking things like this on what is surely my last day of life? I look at the photo of Carley that was scanned onto the crystal champagne glasses in the car and I want to vomit. I hate to say it, but Carley Sweeps is beautiful, which is the part about her that is ugly. The crystal warps and distorts her face and gives it an odd look. Carley has plasticy blonde hair that never seems to move, a face that’s more makeup than flesh, and fat red lips that look like a fish. At least, I think they do. I’ve never seen a real fish before. I want to know what you guys think! I'm open for constructive criticism, but please try to be kind. Also, I kindly ask that you do not steal my work or redistribute this anywhere. Thank you! 😊
Brooke_12 Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Brooke_12 I seemsgood ik its only the first page but i would explain more who u are likethe girl seeing the man so itd not confusing and explain why she will not ride in the car uk.
Brooke_12 Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Brooke_12 I saw u in the chat maybe like matie or cat or brooke, sunmy,summer, molly, aubrey, abi, layla, brenna, miranda. Gracie let me know if u use one of these
Brooke_12 Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Brooke_12 I mean katie not matie If its a boy then, josh, brandon, justin, billy, bill, bob, tommy, dylan, nick, jacob,

lucass_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by lucass_ it sounds good to me. good hook. but yeah, it’s a little hard to critic cuz there is only a little bit, so it’s supposed to be a little confusing, but it sounds intriguing, i’d say continue on with it (:
AJsHere Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by AJsHere I've been a writing workshop leader for about four years now and this is a great start! I would love to see more. are you on any creative platforms for writing? if so, drop the link! ❤️
Czarcasm Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by Czarcasm It sounds very interesting and a little confusing. Good job with the description! 👍 I would love to hear more if you would like to share! 😄
_Theatre_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by _Theatre_ @Brooke_12 @AJisHere @lucass_ @Czarcasm thank you all for your feedback! I've decided to release the next page. Here you all go! I suddenly realize that I am probably squeezing the cup too tightly as I hear a crack and realize I broke it. The crack travelled along the cup slowly, eventually making it down to the base where the spindly lines joined and a large portion chipped off. I examined it: Smooth on one side, crystalized and bumpy on the other, it featured one of Carley Sweeps’ eyes and a bit of her hair. Her green eye seemed almost red in the odd lighting of the car, and now that I was looking at it separate from the rest of her body, it gave me creeps. I pocketed it, but then realized that it would surely be confiscated and decided to just throw it in my backpack instead. It’s the kind of thing I would normally keep to cut open bandage packs or locks. Well, no use in keeping it now, I tell myself. There’s almost no chance I’ll ever need to steal again. I feel a lurch in my stomach. That’s because I’m never going home again. They’re not going to let me. I tried to shake the feeling that I wanted to hurt somebody, do something, but I could not and sooner or later I was slamming the crystal glasses on the ground. It brought me a wrong kind of satisfaction to see Carley Sweeps’ face shatter in a million pieces on the floor of the limo. I looked through the small window at the front to the driver, who was staring at me in a little mirror hanging from the roof of the car. Who cares? I thought. It’s not like he’s going to do anything. He probably just thinks I’m crazy. Everyone probably does. And a criminal. Criminal. The word sent shivers down my spine. Sure, I had stolen a thing or two from trash bins before, maybe swindled some gullible pedestrians, but I never did anything criminal. Never. But, when they found me with that manilla folder with the red tab in my little shack, I panicked. And when us RCs panic, we attack. I’ve never attacked anyone before. It was probably the last time I will ever attack, too. I’m being convicted for stealing confidential government files, tyranny, assault, being a Running Convict, and truancy. Truancy of all things. I attacked a government official, accidentally stole confidential files, and they were convicting me for skipping school of all things. It makes me laugh how far what used to be America the Beautiful has come; now baiting 13 year old girls to steal files just for a reason to demolish them. I think this is all I will share online just to prevent plagiarism and such, but thank you all for your support 😘 Enjoy! 😉
_Theatre_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by _Theatre_ @AJsHere ☝🏿 i misspelled your username above 😜
lucass_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by lucass_ i like it, super interesting, i’m a little confused who carley sweeps is but i’m assuming that you explain that later on..... or maybe you did explain it and i’m just stupid 👌 but hey, if you ever get it published or smthg lmk

_Theatre_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by _Theatre_ @lucass_ yeah i didn't explain it enough but Carley Sweeps is the name of the dictator person 😄
lucass_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by lucass_ ohhhhh i gotchu now. yeah that’s is good
lucass_ Bracelet King	3 years, 7 months ago by lucass_ lemme know if you get it out the world

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